iPhone 7 Rumor Rollup: ‘actual’ renders; 3 not 2 versions; 4 never-going-to-happens

No one has ever mistaken me for a gadget guy, but the regular author of our “iPhone 7 Rumor Rollup” is unavailable this week so into the breach I step. I do carry an iPhone 5s, but, truth be told, there is close to zero chance that I will be upgrading. Nonetheless, in addition to genuine iPhone 7 rumors I intend to offer here a few suggestions that could conceivably up my upgrade odds.

Behold ‘exclusive’ renders

The language used by Apple sites to convey the fruits of their rumor farming is an art form in and of itself. Take this headline from GSM Arena: “Exclusive: Apple iPhone 7 renders appear.” Exclusive is self-explanatory, though at times less than accurate. The interesting use here is “appear,” as in out of thin air. This wasn’t the case at all.

From the post:

We received exclusive Apple iPhone 7 renders from a reputable source in the case-making business. The renders you see … are based on actual 3D technical drawings of the upcoming iPhone 7. However, colors and materials are not official but made up.

“A reputable source,” standard fare. “Not official but made up?” Elegantly transparent.

What might get me interested: A camera that guarantees my photographs will not come out sideways or upside-down, even if I’m doing it wrong and even if I’m too lazy to Google whatever workarounds will be left in comments.

Three new iPhones better than two

Our own indefatigable IonApple blogger Yoni Heisler this week flagged a report by Mobipicker, whose stamina I am unfamiliar with, which carried this jam-packed headlined: [Exclusive] iPhone 7 to Have Three Variants Including “Plus” and “Pro” Models, Production Started at Pegatron and Foxconn.

Now math is not my strong suit, either, but even I know that three iPhone models instead of two means 50% more unit sales if you don’t bother to give the matter much thought.

Our guy Heisler called the three iPhone possibility “intriguing,” but he was more taken by a rumored feature of the new iPhone(s).

Of course, the most noteworthy iPhone 7 tidbit, based on initial reports, is that Apple’s next-gen iPhone will completely abandon the traditional 3.5mm headphone jack and will instead rely upon the device’s Lighting Port for audio. While such a move would improve overall sound quality, it would also require users with traditional headphones to use an adapter of some sort. Whether or not consumers will find this to be a frustrating experience remains to be seen.

I would ask the headphone users in my house but they are outside playing at the moment.

What might get me interested: A security mechanism that will prevent my children from ever touching my iPhone for any reason whatsoever when it is charging on the kitchen island.

iPhone 7 has Verizon on edge

The iPhone 7 hasn’t been officially announced yet though it is already being blamed for all manner of shortcomings, including sluggish sales on existing iPhones at Verizon. From a Fortune report.

“Upgrades are very slow right now,” (CFO Fran) Shammo said speaking at the MoffettNathanson investor conference in New York. Given Apple’s usual cycle of releasing a new iPhone in the fall, “customers are waiting to see what’s potentially coming in the fourth quarter,” he explained.

But when asked point blank if the arrival of the next iPhone, which some have dubbed the iPhone 7, will prompt all the delayers at Verizon to upgrade en masse, Shammo was non-committal.

“I’m not sure yet,” Shammo replied, adding it would depend on whether the new iPhone represented a “dynamic change.”

Given that the naysayers have Apple teetering on the brink of ruin, one would expect a measure of dynamism as the starting point for iPhone 7.

What might get me interested: A remedy for this First World Problem involving the iPhone’s thumb-print reader that was featured in our Geek-Themed Meme of the Week series.

After iPhone 7

We don’t want to get ahead of ourselves here, but the iPhone rumor mill couldn’t care less what we want. The mill says an iPhone with a glass casing is on tap after iPhone 7, based on the musings of an executive whose company would not profit from that development. From an Independent report:

But Allen Horng, CEO of Catcher Technology, said that the company will still be able to supply products to some of the phones – while apparently confirming that Apple will bring in the glass design.

“As far as I know, only one [iPhone] model will adopt glass casing next year,” Mr Horng said after the annual shareholder meeting on Thursday, according to Nikkei. “I don’t think this move will have an impact on Catcher’s revenue as glass casing still needs a durable metal frame which requires advanced processing technology and would not be cheaper than the current model.”

A glass casing most assuredly will not get me to upgrade.

[MORE: Your neighbor built a fake Apple store] 

What might get me interested: The phones I bought for my children cost $60 apiece. If the iPhone 7 costs $60 you can put me down for four, and not only will I again be a cool carrier of the latest iPhone, my shopping will be done for the kids’ upcoming birthday.

What are the odds?

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